Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I want a musical about memes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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