guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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