Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
