go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
