the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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