After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
