You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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