Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
