Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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