He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
