It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
