1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
