dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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