oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
