well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
