Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
