i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
