do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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