when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
