two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Damn victory sex feels great
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
