I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
