Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
