Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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