4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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