this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
