What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
