I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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