life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
