i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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