atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
