dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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