I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
