This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
