We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
