tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
