haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
