I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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