I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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