Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
well you can't waste a boner
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
