i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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