so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
