Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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