don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sext me about skeletons
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
