I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
