we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
too bad you live with your parents still
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
