I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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