is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
