Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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