When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
