I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize