Cold hands, warm shart.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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