I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
