the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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