Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
