yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
