I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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