My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
