So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
