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• (801): View more from Utah

  hey, what are you doing tonight?

  (646): View more from New York

  sleeping, g'night!

  (801): View more from Utah

  but i wanted to see you :(

  (646): View more from New York

  sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!

  (646): View more from New York

  stop - you have a right hand - use it!

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• (916): View more from California

  i think i have herpe

  (1-916): View more from California

  just one?

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  it was like fucking gandolphs beard

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• (516): View more from New York

  Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm drunk at 3:28

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm jealous as shit at 3:34

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.

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• (323): View more from California

  in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels

  (209): View more from California

  you need to stop fucking English majors

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.

  Fav 0 42 7

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• (239): View more from Florida

  Hi I love you will you be up for a while!

  (239): View more from Florida

  That exclamation point was a drunk decision

  Fav 0 48 6

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