drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
