I puked a lego.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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