I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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