what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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