how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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