Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
