Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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