I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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