The best revenge is premature balding
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
