Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
