I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
