hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
