I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
