Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
